Top tip 💡
Find answers to some commonly-asked questions about Honour Based Abuse and forced marriage.
I’m not sure if what I’m experiencing is Honour Based Abuse
- Honour Based Abuse is a complex issue, and it’s understandable that you may still be unsure if it applies to you. We still recommend you reach out to us, as we’ll be able to help you understand more about Honour Based Abuse, and if this applies to you.
I’m worried about my safety
- Your personal safety is paramount. If you ever feel that you are in danger, you should contact the police immediately on 999. The police will be able to assess your situation, advise you, and also refer you to support organisations such as Karma Nirvana.
Is what I’m experiencing ‘normal’?
- There are many misconceptions about Honour Based Abuse being associated with certain cultures or religions, and our work is dedicated to challenging and correcting such beliefs. Honour Based Abuse is not a cultural tradition or religious practice; it is a form of abuse that can occur within any community, regardless of faith or background.
- No one – not even your family or partner – has the right to control or harm you. Regardless of tradition, culture or religion, abuse is abuse, no matter who the perpetrator is or how they justify it.
- If you are questioning whether what you’re experiencing is normal, you should reach out to understand more about your situation. We can offer a confidential outside opinion on what you’re experiencing.
- Read more about examples of HBA
Can I stay anonymous if I contact you?
- Yes, you can choose not to disclose certain details and use a fake name.
Will I have to act on your suggestions if I contact you?
- No, it is always your choice on how you want to proceed.
- We will always give you the space to say what you need, and we aim to ask questions to build a full picture about you to ensure we fully understand your situation, which we use to create a support plan for you.
- While we will give you these suggestions, it is always your choice whether you wish to take these on board.
My family/community found out about my boyfriend/girlfriend, and they’re not happy about it
- You may have a partner that you’ve kept hidden from your family and/or community, as you know they would find the idea of you dating before marriage unacceptable or shameful.
- It’s important to know that this is not a shameful or dishonourable choice. You have the right to make your own decisions, and examples like this are often triggers for escalating abuse. Many people are affected by Honour Based Abuse, and you are not alone.
- Read more
My family/community found out about my sexuality and they’re not happy about it
- You may choose to keep your sexuality hidden or feel intense shame over it, as you believe your family and/or community would punish you for it due to their beliefs.
- It’s important to know that this is not a shameful or dishonourable choice. You have the right to make your own decisions, and examples like this are often triggers for escalating abuse. Many people are affected by Honour Based Abuse, and you are not alone.
- Read more
I want a divorce but I’m concerned about progressing with the process
- You may wish to get a divorce, but have been told that this is dishonourable, and that people would look down on you and/or your family if you got a divorce. This could be from your family, your in-laws, your partner or ex-partner. You might also be told that your decision to divorce could negatively impact the marriage prospects of your younger siblings.
- It’s important to know that this is not a shameful or dishonourable choice. You have the right to make your own decisions, and examples like this are often triggers for escalating abuse. Many people are affected by Honour Based Abuse, and you are not alone.
- Read more
I’ve been told I’m too ‘Westernised’. Is this fair?
- You may be criticised for being ‘too westernised’ for wearing certain clothes or wearing makeup and be forced to dress differently. You may have been told that it is shameful to leave the house dressed in the way you’d like.
- It’s important to know that this is not a shameful or dishonourable choice. You have the right to make your own decisions, and examples like this are often triggers for escalating abuse. Many people are affected by Honour Based Abuse, and you are not alone.
- Read more
My family are not happy with the choices I’m making about my life
- You may want to study, have social media, leave your family’s religion/faith, live by yourself, or have spoken to someone about the abuse you’re experiencing. As a result, you’re being told your behaviour is unacceptable and that your family won’t allow it. They may have threatened to disown you, or even threatened you with death if you do not comply with their wishes.
- It’s important to know that this is not a shameful or dishonourable choice. You have the right to make your own decisions, and examples like this are often triggers for escalating abuse. Many people are affected by Honour Based Abuse, and you are not alone.
- Read more
Can my family/community ask about my virginity or make me have FGM/take a virginty test?
- You may have been questioned about your virginity and be under pressure to take a virginity test. You may be feeling pressure to have hymenoplasty or FGM, or even have already experienced it, with or without consent.
- FGM and virginity testing is illegal in the UK, and it’s important to know that this is not a shameful or dishonourable choice to not agree to this.
- You have the right to make your own decisions, and examples like this are often triggers for escalating abuse. Many people are affected by Honour Based Abuse, and you are not alone.
- Read more
I’m scared that talking to you will lead to repurcusions from my family/community
- We understand that it is scary to talk about what is happening to you and reach out for help. If you are struggling and need to talk to someone about what is happening, we are always here to help
- Our helpline is completely anonymous, and we will never tell your family if you contact us
Will you really understand my situation?
- We are often told that we are the first organisation to make individuals feel truly understood, and that contacting us was a lifechanging experience
- We understand it can sometimes be hard to explain what you’re experiencing, and that you may not have felt understood by other professionals who are meant to support you
- We are a by-and-for organisation, meaning many of our staff have life experience across various cultures, as well as Honour Based Abuse. As a result, our helpline team can truly understand your situation, leaving space for a safe, open and honest conversation, and we will be patient with you.
Is the helpline confidential?
- Yes, our helpline is completely confidential
I’m a Survivor of Honour Based Abuse. Can I call the helpline?
- Yes, we offer both short and long-term support. If you need to speak to someone, please get in touch.
My family are threatening me with violence if I don’t get married. What should I do?
- Your personal safety is paramount. If you ever feel that you are in danger, you should contact the police immediately on 999. The police will be able to assess your situation, advise you, and refer you to support organisations like Karma Nirvana.
I’m worried about being forced to get married abroad. What can I do?
- If you are concerned that you will be forced into marriage when abroad, contact us. Once you leave the country, it is much harder to get help. However, there are some steps you can take to improve your situation when abroad. Full guidance can be found here.
I’ve just been told we’re going away, or been given little notice. I’m worried I will be forced to get married while abroad – what can I do?
- If you have been given little notice about leaving to go abroad, and you are concerned you will be forced into a marriage while away, you should try to contact us as soon as possible. If this is not possible, it is hard to imagine, but a small spoon could save a life.
- Girls are sometimes taken abroad and forced to marry, often with little warning. Hiding a small metal object like a spoon in your clothes sets off airport metal detectors. If the girl is over 16 she will be taken into a private room, where she may have one last chance to ask for help.
- We know of desperate situations in which a spoon has saved a young woman from a very dangerous situation. We also campaign to educate airport staff to understand what this means.
- While this is is a difficult thing to do, in some cases, you may have no other option. If you find yourself in this situation, you can ask the airport staff to contact us for guidance on how to best support you. While they cannot contact us on your behalf, we support professionals on how to help safeguard individuals experiencing Honour Based Abuse and Forced Marriage.
- Full guidance can be found here.
Is Honour Based Abuse always about parents?
- No. Perpetrators of Honour Based Abuse vary case by case, and can include a mixture of people, often with multiple people perpetrating the abuse at the same time
- This includes: partners, parents, ex-partners, siblings, community leaders, extended family, and in-laws
Can I experience Honour Based Abuse from my partner?
- Yes. Perpetrators of Honour Based Abuse vary case by case, and can include a mixture of people, often with multiple people perpetrating the abuse at the same time
- This includes: partners, parents, ex-partners, siblings, community leaders, extended family, and in-laws
What is the law around marriage and forced marriage in the UK?
- A forced marriage is defined as when one or both people do not or cannot consent to the marriage and pressure or abuse is used to force them into the marriage. It is also when anything is done to make someone marry before they turn 18, even if there is no pressure or abuse. Forced marriage is illegal in the UK and constitutes a serious violation of human rights. The Anti-social Behaviour, Crime and Policing Act 2014 made it a criminal offence in England, Wales, and Scotland to force someone into marriage, and it is a criminal offence in Northern Ireland under separate legislation.
This includes taking someone overseas to force them into marriage, regardless of whether the marriage actually occurs, doing anything intended to cause a child to marry before their 18th birthday, even if no coercion or force is used, and causing someone who lacks the mental capacity to consent to marry, whether they are pressured into the marriage or not.
In 2022, the Marriage and Civil Partnership (Minimum Age) Act 2022 raised the legal age of marriage to 18 in England and Wales. This means that 16- and 17-year-olds can no longer marry or enter a civil partnership, even with parental consent in these regions.
It is a criminal offence to arrange marriages for anyone under 18 under any circumstances, whether or not force or coercion is used. This includes non-legally binding ceremonies, which may be considered a marriage ceremony by the individuals and their families. These protections apply regardless of whether coercion can be proven.
Importantly, if you are forced into a marriage, you would not be committing a crime – these laws specify those who are forcing others into marriage, not the victim.
If I get married overseas, is my marriage valid in the UK?
- If your marriage is seen as valid in the country where it took place, it will often be valid in the UK. You must talk to a solicitor, whether you had a religious or civil marriage. Religious divorce is not valid in the UK and since February 2023, it has become illegal to get married under the age of 18, in England and Wales, including being taken abroad for marriage.
What is a Forced Marriage Protection Order (FMPO)?
- A Forced Marriage Protection Order (FMPO) is a legal tool in the UK designed to protect individuals who are at risk of being forced into marriage or those who are already in a forced marriage. FMPOs are issued by the courts and can place specific restrictions or requirements on individuals to prevent a forced marriage from happening. It can help you if you’re being forced into marriage or are already in a forced marriage.
- A forced marriage protection order is unique to each case and contains legally binding conditions and directions that change the behaviour of a person or persons trying to force someone into marriage. The aim of the order is to protect the person who has been, or is being, forced into marriage. The court can make an order in an emergency so that protection is in place straightaway.
- If you think you need an FMPO, we recommend you contact us to understand more about FMPOs first. We can support you through the process.
- You can also read guidance from the Ministry of Justice on taking out an FMPO here.
- Failure to comply with the FMPO conditions granted by the Family Court, is a criminal offence and can result in a sentence of up to 5 years in prison.
Does Karma Nirvana support men?
- Yes, we support both male and female victims. We support individuals of all ages and ethnic backgrounds.
Do I have to be a certain age to recieve support from Karma Nirvana?
- No, we support individuals of all ages.
Do I have to be from a specific ethnic group to recieve support from Karma Nirvana?
- No. We support individuals of all ethnic backgrounds.
What is the difference between an arranged marriage and a forced marriage?
- Arranged marriage: Often a marriage both parties have the free will and choice to accept or decline the arrangement, however families may take a leading role in finding a partner. This is a similar process to matchmaking and is legal in the UK.
- Forced marriage: A marriage where one or both people do not consent to the marriage. They go through with the marriage under duress and pressure is used. Forcing someone into marriage is a criminal offence in the UK.
Does any religion, culture or tradition justify abuse?
- There are many misconceptions about Honour Based Abuse being associated with certain cultures or religions, and our work is dedicated to challenging and correcting such beliefs. Honour Based Abuse is not a cultural tradition or religious practice; it is a form of abuse that can occur within any community, regardless of faith or background. Abuse is abuse – no matter who the perpetrator is or how they justify it.
- Many major faiths condemn forced marriage and abuse, and under British law, it is illegal. In our experience, perpetrators may use religion, culture or tradition as a false guise for criminal offences such as GBH, harassment and rape. Regardless of faith or culture, no one group actively perpetuates abuse, and from our helpline, we see victims from all types of religions, cultures and communities.
What does Karma Nirvana mean?
- Karma means ‘peace’, and Nirvana ‘enlightenment’. We hope all of our victims will achieve this through our work. It was founded in 1993 by our founder Dame Jasvinder Sanghera CBE, as a result of Jasvinder’s personal experiences and those of her sister Robina.
Are your calls recorded?
- No, calls to our helpline are not recorded
I’m scared about what will happen next
- We understand it can be scary to find yourself in this position. Facing Honour Based Abuse can feel very isolating, but you are not alone. Support is available for you, and we can help.
- While you may be scared about what happens next, calling us is a confidential option, and you will still have full control over what you want to do next. While we will give you suggestions, it is always your choice whether you wish to take these on board.
Where will I live if I leave home?
- Refuges can provide you with somewhere safe to stay if you choose to leave home. The helpline will be able to support you with this and find the most suitable housing options available for you and your family, if you choose to leave
I’m pregnant and I’ve not told anyone. What should I do?
- In our experience, 1 in 4 pregnancies in Honour Based Abuse cases are concealed. It’s important to know that your risk increases with pregnancy, with many victims experiencing physical domestic abuse for the first time during pregnancy. Contact us for support, and we can make sure you are safe and get the help you need. Always call 999 in an emergency.
When are you open?
- We are open Monday to Friday, from 9am-5pm.
- We are closed on bank holidays.
- You can call us on 0800 5999 247 or email us
Will I be charged for calling you?
- No, our helpline is completely free.
How much does it cost to contact you?
- Our helpline is completely free and you won’t be charged for contacting us.
If I call you, will your number show up on my mobile bill?
- No. Our number is a freephone 0800 number, which does not appear on mobile phone bills. This is partially to protect customers who call helplines, which are often freephone numbers.
- However, if you dial our number, it will still show in your call history on your phone. Visit our staying safe online page to learn more about removing phone history evidence and ensure you stay safe.
If you call me, will your number show on my mobile bill?
- No, we will call you from a withheld number, which will show as a ‘withheld number’ on your bill and call history
What information will you share about me?
- All calls to our helpline are confidential. We will be able to see your phone number, unless you choose to withhold your number. We never share information with anyone, unless we have your consent to share with professionals or in an exceptional circumstance.
- For example, we may on occasion have a duty to notify appropriate authorities if we believe someone is at risk of serious harm or if we receive information that a child is being abused or neglected.
Can I call you outside of your helpline hours?
- No, you will be sent to our voicemail outside of 9am-5pm on Mon-Fri. However, you can leave your name and number, and someone will get back to you as soon as possible. Alternatively, you can request a call back, where someone will call you back at an allocated time and day
I’d prefer not to call. Can I contact you a different way?
- Yes, you can email us
Do you support LGBTQI+ and/or Transexual individuals?
- Yes, we support people of all sexualities and gender identities.
Do you offer support in other languages?
- Yes, we can offer support in Hindi, Punjabi, Urdu and English. Please fill out the request a call back form and detail your language requirements so we can ensure someone with the right language capability is able to speak with you.
- Alternatively, please call our helpline and we will put you through to someone who can speak to you.
- क्या आप अन्य भाषाओं में सहायता प्रदान करते हैं?
जी हाँ, हम उर्दू, पंजाबी, हिंदी और अंग्रेज़ी में सहायता प्रदान कर सकते हैं। कृपया हमारे कॉलबैक अनुरोध फॉर्म को भरें और अपनी भाषा आवश्यकताओं का विवरण दें ताकि हम यह सुनिश्चित कर सकें कि कोई उपयुक्त भाषा कौशल वाला व्यक्ति आपसे बात कर सके। वैकल्पिक रूप से, कृपया हमारी हेल्पलाइन पर कॉल करें और हम आपको ऐसे व्यक्ति से जोड़ देंगे जो आपकी भाषा में बात कर सके।
ਕੀ ਤੁਸੀਂ ਹੋਰ ਭਾਸ਼ਾਵਾਂ ਵਿੱਚ ਸਹਾਇਤਾ ਦਿੰਦੇ ਹੋ?
ਹਾਂ, ਅਸੀਂ ਉਰਦੂ, ਪੰਜਾਬੀ, ਹਿੰਦੀ ਅਤੇ ਅੰਗ੍ਰੇਜ਼ੀ ਵਿੱਚ ਸਹਾਇਤਾ ਪ੍ਰਦਾਨ ਕਰ ਸਕਦੇ ਹਾਂ। ਕਿਰਪਾ ਕਰਕੇ ਸਾਡੇ ਕਾਲਬੈਕ ਫਾਰਮ ਨੂੰ ਪੂਰਾ ਕਰੋ ਅਤੇ ਆਪਣੀਆਂ ਭਾਸ਼ਾ ਦੀਆਂ ਲੋੜਾਂ ਦਾ ਵੇਰਵਾ ਦਿਓ ਤਾਂ ਕਿ ਅਸੀਂ ਇਹ ਯਕੀਨੀ ਬਣਾ ਸਕੀਏ ਕਿ ਸਹੀ ਭਾਸ਼ਾ ਦੱਖਲ ਵਾਲਾ ਕੋਈ ਵਿਅਕਤੀ ਤੁਹਾਡੇ ਨਾਲ ਗੱਲ ਕਰ ਸਕੇ। ਵਿਕਲਪਕ ਤੌਰ ‘ਤੇ, ਕਿਰਪਾ ਕਰਕੇ ਸਾਡੀ ਹੈਲਪਲਾਈਨ ‘ਤੇ ਕਾਲ ਕਰੋ ਅਤੇ ਅਸੀਂ ਤੁਹਾਨੂੰ ਕਿਸੇ ਅਜਿਹੇ ਵਿਅਕਤੀ ਨਾਲ ਜੋੜਾਂਗੇ ਜੋ ਤੁਹਾਡੀ ਭਾਸ਼ਾ ਵਿੱਚ ਗੱਲ ਕਰ ਸਕੇ।
کیا آپ دیگر زبانوں میں مدد فراہم کرتے ہیں؟
جی ہاں، ہم اردو، پنجابی، ہندی اور انگریزی میں مدد فراہم کر سکتے ہیں۔ براہ کرم ہماری کال بیک فارم مکمل کریں اور اپنی زبان کی ضروریات کی تفصیلات دیں تاکہ ہم اس بات کو یقینی بنا سکیں کہ آپ سے بات کرنے کے لیے کوئی مناسب زبان کی مہارت رکھنے والا شخص موجود ہو۔ متبادل طور پر، براہ کرم ہماری ہیلپ لائن پر کال کریں اور ہم آپ کو کسی ایسے شخص سے ملوائیں گے جو آپ سے آپ کی زبان میں بات کر سکے۔
Can I speak to someone of my background/not my background?
- Our team has extensive experience with many different faiths and cultures, and we are a by-and-for service with a diverse team. This means we have lived experience of various cultures and religions as well as Honour Based Abuse within the team.
- While we understand you may have concerns about the ethnicity, race or religion of your call handler, please know that their background does not affect their ability to understand your situation, as all members are rigorously trained to appreciate the complexities and nuances of different cultural backgrounds, and are equally capable of identifying Honour Based Abuse, regardless of your background.
- Our helpline team will decline to comment on their personal background and will not be able to transfer you to another team member with a background of your choice. We will never share information about you with anyone else, and all calls are treated as highly confidential.
Is there a definition for Honour Based Abuse?
- There currently isn’t a statutory definition for Honour Based Abuse, however we are currently campaigning for this to be put in place. You can read more about the campaign and our suggested definition here.
I’m already been forced into a marriage. What can I do?
- If you’ve already been forced into a marriage, either within or outside the UK, we can still help. We understand that you may be in a difficult situation and we’d encourage you to speak to us about it, either by calling us, emailing us, or requesting a safe call back.
Can you help explain HBA to professionals who are supporting me?
- While you may already have other government agencies involved, we can help explain the complexities of your situation to other professionals and make sure your voice is heard, thus getting the help you need. We work with multiple agencies across the UK which are designed to help protect victims against Forced Marriage and Domestic Abuse. We can also liaise with Child Protection Services, Social Workers and the Police, if these agencies are already involved.
I’ve been signposted to you. What does this mean?
- Signposting means you have been directed to contact us by another agency (e.g. Police). While a professional may have contacted us about your case, we will not contact you without your consent.
- While you may have been signposted to us, it is entirely your choice if you would like to contact us
- Karma Nirvana is an independent charity, so even if you are signposted to us via another agency, our role is to uphold your wishes and what you need. We will never share details with other agencies without your permission, and we can help make sure you get the support you need from other agencies.
- We accept all contacts to our helpline, regardless of whether you have been signposted to us or not.
- Read more about signposting
I’m looking for specific information. Can you help me find it?
- You can use our search bar on the website to find what you’re looking for. If you can’t find the information you need, please contact us.
Can you call me back at a specific time or day?
- Yes, you can request a call back here.
Do you support people outside the UK?
- We support people in the UK and British citizens/nationals.
- If you are a British citizen/national but are currently overseas, we can support you in repatriation.
Do I have to live in a certain area in the UK to be supported by you?
- No. We are a nationwide charity, and support people across the UK
Can I give your helpline feedback?
- Yes, we’d love to hear feedback from you. Please fill out our feedback form.
Do you have a newsletter?
- Yes, you can sign up for our newsletter here.
Where can I read about your recent work?
- You can read more about our recent work in our news section.
- You can also sign up for our newsletter here.