If you’re concerned that someone you know may be experiencing Honour Based Abuse (HBA), it’s important to act carefully and compassionately. Honour Based Abuse can take many forms, including physical violence, emotional abuse, forced marriage, and controlling behaviour, often in the name of protecting family or community ‘honour’.
You may be concerned about a friend, a coworker or a neighbour. Regardless of how you know them, it’s important that you offer support to them, as Honour Based Abuse can feel isolating.
At Karma Nirvana, we’re here to help you understand the signs, how to offer support, and where to turn for help.
What is Honour Based Abuse?
Honour Based Abuse is a form of Domestic Abuse which is motivated by the abuser’s perception that a person has brought or may bring ‘dishonour’ or ‘shame’ to themselves, their family or the community. It can take many forms, and can be complex to identify, but centres around the idea of controlling individuals to make them behave in certain ways or subscribe to certain beliefs.
Both perpetrators and victims can be male or female, and it can affect people of all ages
For some people, the concept of ‘honour’ is prized above the safety and wellbeing of individuals, and to compromise a family’s ‘honour’ is to bring dishonour and shame – which can have severe consequences. As a result, this can be used to justify many types of abuse, and even disownment or physical harm.
There are many misconceptions about Honour Based Abuse being associated with certain cultures or religions, and our work is dedicated to challenging and correcting such beliefs. Honour Based Abuse is not a cultural tradition or religious practice; it is a form of abuse that can occur within any community, regardless of faith or background. Abuse is abuse – no matter who the perpetrator is or how they justify it.
Honour Based Abuse can lead to a deeply embedded form of coercive control that begins early in the family home, built on expectations about what behaviour is considered acceptable or unacceptable, with multiple people or family members contributing to the coercive control. Control can also be established without overt violence against the victim. For example, perpetrators may threaten to kill themselves or ostracise the victim if they do not comply. It’s important to know that regardless of how they may feel controlled, they have the right to make their own decisions about their body, beliefs and life.
Honour Based Abuse is not a cultural tradition or religious practice; it is a form of abuse that can occur within any community, regardless of faith or background. Abuse is abuse – no matter who the perpetrator is or how they justify it.
It is not determined by gender – both perpetrators and victims can be male or female, and it can affect people of all ages.
Signs of Honour Based Abuse
Recognising HBA can be difficult, but there are some warning signs you can look for:
- Sudden withdrawal or isolation from friends, school, or work
- Restrictions on their freedom, such as not being allowed to leave the house without supervision
- Intense family pressure or talk of a forced marriage
- Unexplained injuries or signs of physical harm
- Extreme control over their social life, finances, or education
- Fearful behaviour, particularly around family members
This is often accompanied by a trigger, such as family finding out about a partner, their sexuality or certain choices they’ve made e.g. career or education choices.
How to Help Someone at Risk
If you suspect someone is at risk of HBA, there are steps you can take to offer support:
- Listen without judgment – It’s important to create a safe space where the person feels they can talk openly, without fear of judgment.
- Don’t confront their family – Confronting the family or community may increase the danger for the individual. Always act discreetly.
- Encourage them to seek professional help and tell them about our helpline – You can offer them information about specialist organisations like ours, but ultimately, the decision to seek help must come from them. We offer emotional and practical support to individuals who are facing Honour Based Abuse. Our helpline is nationwide, confidential and completely free.
- Respect their choices – Understand that leaving an abusive situation can be incredibly difficult. Offer support, but respect their autonomy and timing.
- Gather information – If possible, collect information that might be useful later, such as details of family pressures or threats, without putting the person at risk.
- Contact us – While you cannot contact us on their behalf without their permission, we are able to offer emotional support and guidance for you to help navigate the process. We can offer a confidential expert opinion on the situation, and help you understand if this is Honour Based Abuse.
The advice was fantastic. They really listened to all of my concerns, offered advice that was appropriate, useful and relevant to the situation I had described. She made me feel really comfortable in how to proceed with the situation, gave me some really useful tips and taught me a lot of knowledge which will really help me in supporting the individual I called about.
What You Should Avoid
- Don’t pressure them to take action or make decisions before they are ready.
- Avoid sharing their situation with others who may not be trustworthy, as this could increase their risk.
- Don’t confront their family – Confronting the family or community may increase the danger for the individual. Always act discreetly.
- Do not underestimate the danger – HBA can escalate quickly, and immediate professional help may be needed.
What should I do if they’ve told me they are expected to get married soon?
If someone has told you that they are concerned about getting married, or that there are plans for them to get married, and they are not comfortable with this, it is important to take this seriously.
Forced Marriage vs Arranged Marriage
A forced marriage is one in which one or both people do not, or cannot consent to the marriage, but are coerced into it by their families or community. If you are under 18, this is automatically considered to be forced.
Forced Marriage is often confused with arranged marriages. While a marriage can be both forced and arranged, it’s important to recognise that they are not the same. Here’s how to tell the difference:
- In an arranged marriage, both adults give their full consent to get married and enter the marriage willingly. They are based on mutual consent, often with the families involved in the introduction or planning, but the individuals have the freedom to accept or reject the arrangement. Many arranged marriages are not forced, as both adults give full consent, and arranged marriages are legal in the UK.
- In a forced marriage, one or both participants enter the marriage without giving their consent. They may go through with the wedding under duress from their families, which may be in the form of physical, emotional or coercive control. Forced marriage is illegal in the UK, and the legal minimum age of marriage is 18.
Sometimes, what starts out as an ‘arranged’ marriage can quickly escalate to a forced marriage. It is not uncommon for one of the participants to change their mind, even on the wedding day, only for their families to force them to go through with it.
They may not be sure if they’re being forced into the marriage, but if they’re not completely comfortable with the situation, and are experiencing pressure to continue, this may still be a forced marriage. Everyone has the right to choose if, when, and who they want to marry.
It’s important to ask what they want, and if they are comfortable with the situation. If they are not completely comfortable, there is help available to them.
A forced marriage is defined as when one or both people do not or cannot consent to the marriage and pressure or abuse is used to force them into the marriage. It is also when anything is done to make someone marry before they turn 18, even if there is no pressure or abuse.
Forced marriage is illegal in the UK. The Anti-social Behaviour, Crime and Policing Act 2014 made it a criminal offence in England, Wales, and Scotland to force someone into marriage, and it is a criminal offence in Northern Ireland under separate legislation.
This includes:
- Taking someone overseas to force them into marriage, regardless of whether the marriage actually occurs.
- Doing anything intended to cause a child to marry before their 18th birthday, even if no coercion or force is used.
- Causing someone who lacks the mental capacity to consent to marry, whether they are pressured into the marriage or not.
In 2022, the Marriage and Civil Partnership (Minimum Age) Act 2022 raised the legal age of marriage to 18 in England and Wales. This means that 16- and 17-year-olds can no longer marry or enter a civil partnership, even with parental consent in these regions.
It is a criminal offence to arrange marriages for anyone under 18 under any circumstances, whether or not force or coercion is used. This includes non-legally binding ceremonies, which may be considered marriage ceremonies by individuals and their families. These protections apply regardless of whether coercion can be proven.
Under the Forced Marriage Act 2007, you can apply to designated courts in England and Wales for a Forced Marriage Civil Protection Order (FMPO), or someone can do this on your behalf. These orders can be used to prevent someone from being forced into a marriage or to protect someone if a forced marriage has already taken place.
If you are concerned that they will be forced into marriage when abroad, contact us. Once they leave the country, it is much harder to get help. However, some steps can be taken to improve the situation when abroad.
Personal safety is paramount. If you ever feel that anyone is in danger, you should contact the police immediately on 999. The police will be able to assess the situation, advise you, and also refer you to support organisations like Karma Nirvana if necessary.
Such a fantastic service with great knowledge and brilliant advice helping to understand the situation and giving guidance on what to do next.
Get Professional Support
If you’re unsure how to proceed, our team is here to guide you. We offer confidential support and can help you understand the best course of action, while prioritising the safety of the individual.
Our helpline is available for guidance on how to support someone who may be at risk of HBA. We can help with:
- Recognising the signs of HBA
- Safety planning and risk assessment
- Finding professional support services
- Understanding the laws and protections available, including Forced Marriage Protection Orders
Immediate Danger
If you believe the person is in immediate danger, contact 999 right away. Honour Based Abuse can be life-threatening, and urgent action may be necessary to protect the individual’s safety.
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Contact Us for Help
If you’re worried about someone facing Honour Based Abuse, don’t hesitate to reach out for confidential support. We’re here to listen, guide you through the options, and help ensure the safety and well-being of those at risk.